Bad News

I have never gone to the eye doctor and had a good visit, or had them tell you all is well see you in 2 years. Man that would be nice. But reality is that every time I go to the eye doctor they tell me what I already know or give me bad news. Yesterday was no different, I went they did the regular tests, pictures, pressure, measurements that sort of thing. Then in I go to see the eye doctor and they put the big E up at the end of the room, "can you make out what is up there " part of me wants to blurt out E, I know it is a E for god sake. But I try as hard as I can to make out that lovely E and nothing. Then she hands me a card hold this as close as you need to and tell me what you can make out. So I squint and hold the card so close I know I look ridiculous and nothing. She takes the card and sets up the machine to look at my eyes and check if there is a prescription that could work and nothing. Surprise ! NOT.
Why they feel the need to tell me that things are progressing and getting worse, like I didn't know is beyond me. I know my eyes are getting worse without you telling me this. In case you didn't realize I open them every day to see not a heck of a lot.
Trying to explain to family and people around me what I see and don't see is hard. I have never in my life had good eye sight, I have been legally blind since birth, so I have no idea what you see, so for all I know I am missing nothing at all ! And truth be told I like it that way, it keeps me sane. This is my world as I know it and I can not change it so why not just live it the way it was meant to be lived.
My family and I went camping on the weekend and my kids and husband were watching a squirrel in the tree, my kids were saying look mom look mom and I started to laugh and my husband asked what is so funny. I began to tell him that I have never in my life been able to see a squirrel in a tree or a bird in a tree for that matter, he asked well why when I used to say look at that squirrel did you say oh cool. So I started to tell him how it was just easier, it sucked saying umm I can't see that when someone pointed something out so I just went along with it. It didn't matter to me if I could see it and it didn't seem all that important to point out the fact I had no idea what they were talking about. He looked at me like I had two heads but I think he is starting to understand how I feel and why. I used to pretend like I could see things that he could and never really made a note of what I couldn't see. Now that my sight is to the point where there is no hiding the cane or how I feel around for things I hate the pity, the stares, and the condolences I get.
I don't want pity, or condolences I am still here enjoying life and living it to its fullest. I may do it in my own way and I may be experiencing it differently than you but I am still experiencing it. To see your world does not define weather you are living it or not. To see your world is only one way to experience it.